The Name Game

The nuptial journey decision to keep your name, change your name, double barrel or merge your names is causing quite a dilemma. Unless you are an uncomplicated, traditional type of which there are dwindling numbers, then you will be wrestling with letting go of your single name especially if you are more mature. There are forum debates galore about it where the feminist inclined voices say strongly and clearly, No! This is my name and I'm keeping it .FOREVER!

How do you decide what's right for you? Is keeping your name a bit like keeping one foot firmly in your single life and then are you truly committing as much as you can? Or, is that a very simplistic view that undermines female equality. Is our world now just too contemporary that taking the mans name seems archaic, an outdated, chauvinistic leaning that only men in the deepest , darkest north of England have?

Well, I'm an independent sort of girl but rather liked taking my husbands name. It was the kind of change that I needed to make me realise that I really was married. It was fresh and new and different. I still use use my single name of Stratton and both names as a writer and coach. But my family name is Hughes. I'm all of them-happily.

In deciding I think that it's necessary to delve and work out how deep the name identity goes for you. What are your values, your morals and your attitude to being married? How do different names affect the children-if at all? Or, if you go for the double (barrel) how does that work out in the future when Chloe Sefton -Webb wants to unite with Thomas Holby- Derbyshire. What on earth will they do? It's a very real problem looking at the names of kids in schools these days there's more double barrels than at the average polo match. The local comp has gone all aristocratic and though it sounds quite natty and creative -it's not very practical. It will be a nightmare to trace lineage. And right there is a very sound and sensible reason for taking the blokes name-if only for family purposes. And to that people will say well why not the womans name-to which I answer -why not the blokes-it's traditional, quite romantic, what's the problem with it? Keep it simple.

Freedom to choose is good-yes it is , we all deserve it and we need to do what is true for us. It's just that I think given the chance, some people are prone to making a big fuss and drama about that which they are not really too bothered about just to be noticed that little bit more. I also think that some are resisting the so called less glamorous side of being married. Mrs to some isn't very sexy sounding but it will be what you make it. Take Mrs. Robinson, for example...

A Fools Paradise

I'm in a rebellious phase. I cannot see the point of buying ridiculously expensive clothes-even new clothes. I'm getting much more pleasure from retro shops and car boot sales. I have no interest at all in designer names and labels unless they are big old bargains and terriffic value. Of course, I know that generally the material is good, wears well and mostly the craftmanship is superior but I do think that the prices are so over inflated for people with too much money and little sense. Exclusive they may be but that doesn't always mean tasteful or stylish.

So news of the Designer Wedding Show at Battersea next week caused a big, involuntary sigh from me but then further reading that the average budget of a visiting bride to such an event is around £89,000 made me feel, well frankly... SICK. Yes, I felt nauseous reading that.

We are in a strange time, where excess and waste seem to be out of place yet some people in different spheres will carry on as normal and believe that spending huge amouts of money equates with happiness and style.

Don't be misled. There is no need to spend such vast amounts of money-in fact it's positively foolish and the chances are that the significance of the day for these brides will get rather dwarfed by the cut of the jib on the haute couture and making sure that each and every guest is suitably impressed by the lavish vittles on offer.

The words exclusive, couture, 'celebrity' florist make my eyes glaze over. I couldn't be less interested. I love art, creativity and originality but I want it to be for everyone , for the people, withour any snobbery attached and I find lack of funds and resourcefulness far more creatively exciting. I 've said it before. Give me a low budget film against a block buster any day. I love what's real and true and raw and feel mildly entertained but unmoved by anything that is overstyled with too much money thrown at it.

Wedding s are just the same. Keep it simple, sane, honest and true and work with a budget that's comfortable for you. Never mind haute couture, that's haute wisdom...

Just Doing Your Thing

The best thing about coaching and running workshops is when you can see that you are making a positive difference to someones experience and helping them to get the most out of this time in their life.

I believe, completely, that the way that getting married and planning a wedding is presented by the media has a negative impact on most people. It appears to be daunting and overwheming and unneccessarily expensive. So many people end up in debt, anxious, feuding and the real reason for getting married gets lost in a sea of stress and confusion.

Yesterday I had a phone call from a couple who had been on my 'Creating an Authentic Wedding' workshop and they told me that the greatest thing that they took away from the afternoon was that plannning their wedding was a real privilage that they deserved to enjoy. From that day they relaxed, took their time and great pleasure in every little decision that they made together while also having fun being creative. Also, being environmentally and ethically aware their wedding completely honoured their values and was as green as they were able to make it so it fulfilled them on lots of levels and others benefitted too.

It's not rocket science just a nudge to let the commercial aspect go and come back to yourself. Express yourself, reflect what's true for you and put together something original and authentic. The rewards of that are great and letting go of the wedding template is a big relief. Getting married doesn't, repeat DOESN'T have to be stressful. It can be the most memorable, rewarding time-if you will allow it to be!

the spirit of london-the spirit of you

I've been wanting to write this post since then end of the Olympics which illustrates that though I am a life coach I still carry ideas around with me without always executing them-it's so very irritating.

Anyway, the point is still valid though not quite so topical as it was. Despite the political angle of the Beijing Olympics throwing a definite shadow over the occasion, it was for little GB, a fabulous, memorable success for individuals, team and country. It was just what we needed-a fortifying tonic, a potent injection of hope and positivity and great ray of sunshine casting light over a country that feels as if it has lost much of what we believed was GREAT about it. For three weeks we felt pride, unity and a just a little bit great again. That is the power of sport, of personal endeavour and team spirit, of ambition and achievement and sheer will to succeed whatever the set backs and limited resources.

God, it was emotional, inspiring and addictive -every day tuning in to hear the stories behind the success and watch as we won medal after medal. I swear that for those three weeks, the majority of Great Britain felt happy-millions were affected and influenced by it and that is why the government must put more money into sport because of what it can do for the country. Proof too, that the political issues can be pushed aside while we concentrate on what is magical about life -and despite our world troubles, we see countries come together, compete against each other and respect and congratulate each other. Hopeful, heartwarming and harmonious in spirit. Sport is a great, great leveller and religion, sadly is the separator.

China spent £22 billion on a superlative extravaganza-and London has to follow that. We have a budget of £9.3 billion and so, clearly it's going to be a vey different kind of games. And so it should be. We are a very different country and culture with our own history and individual identity and quirks and the job of hosting the games to the world will I hope, prompt us to look within and re-assess just what we have to offer, who we are, where we came from and what we feel represents and reflects who we are at the core. It could be a very significant exercise for us. Just what will the Olympic Journey reveal and how may it affect and change us a nation?

It has the same parallel as anyone getting married. Each person is an individual, with their own story and personality and there is no need to live up to others expectations, do what is expected or please or impress anyone.

No matter what the budget, you just need to do your thing and be proud of it. You alone are great, beautiful and good enough. You don't need gimmicks or show stopping accessories-the best that you can do is be honest and true to yourself and bring all that you truly are to your wedding day. There is no need to be perfect-like China thought they needed to be when they swapped a less cute little girl who sang the opening ceremony song for a more aesthetically pleasing one who mimed along to the original little girl. Despite all they spent and all the effort they put in-right there they got it wrong. They thought they needed to present something perfect when all they needed to do was give us what was real.

The London Olympics will do what it can with the money that they have and deliver something that represents the changing face of Great Britain and you, as you face your own, major life event can enjoy looking within yourself and put together a wedding that is quintessentially you.

And, if you aren't sure where to start or how to go about it, that's why I'm here!

A Very Authentic Wedding

On 21st october 2000 -Gary and I got married at Portmeirion in North Wales-it was, as anyone who has visited visited my website will know-the most fantastic, unforgettable, unique day. Portmeirion alone is a special place. It's where the cult 60's series The Prisoner was filmed and it stands amidst mountains on a stunning estuary. It's a fairytale village made up of buildings brought from all over the world-buildings and pieces of architecture that would otherwise have been demolished, brought to this Welsh beauty spot to create something magical.




We hadn't been back there since our wedding day and last week we visited with Gary's parents and Louie, our 4 year old. It's a strange feeling returning to the place where you were married. I didn't expect such a strong reaction. I felt elated-uplifted and goose-bumpy as the second most profound, memorable day of my life-(superceded only by the day that Louie arrived)came flooding back into my heart and my mind.

The greatest thing of all was the fact that we are still married and despite all that we have been through, we love each other completely -perhaps for me-more openly and confidently than ever . Gary agreed that it was moving, being there, with our son, reliving the memory and feeling that our day had been real. We realised that it was what we had thought it was-a genuine desire on both our parts to be married to each other.

I always say that I felt proud on our wedding day, a definite sense of achievement during the ceremony especially and still I feel that. The power of those wedding vows cannot be underestimated. If you let them in, they sit within you and influence you forever I think. Perhaps, at times dormant but always there ready to resurface when you most need them, there to prick your conscience when you forget to honour them.

It's a trip to go back there-to that place where married life took it's first ever steps and to see how far you have come. It just sealed my belief that the act of getting married is a most worthwhile one. Even today with all the negative press that it receives, where some struggle to find it's meaning and point in our contemporary world-I continue to promote and champion it as something that can be believed in and with the right attitude it can have the most positive impact on your experience of life. Honestly, I'm surrounded by too much proof of that, to think any differently.

I suppose too, that this little story just reinforces what I always say: Get married and have your wedding in a venue that you LOVE, somewhere that you feel somehow connected or that has a special place in your heart because it adds to your enjoyment of the day and the depth and significance of the memory that you are left with.

The more that you can connect with your wedding day the better-it all makes it harder to walk away from in the future and realistically, there will be times when you need to draw on that.