Monday 30 June 2008

A Venue to Warm your Heart

I feel it's time for something practical and there's nothing strictly alternative about this.

Venues. Have a look here for The Independents top 50.

Choosing a venue is a personal thing and I think that there's more to it than meets the eye. Obviously the practicalities play a big part here and that's namely: your budget and the number of guests that you are having. After that though, it opens the door of your voyage of discovery in getting to know yourself and your partnership even more. In a sea of confusion it can help to have some guiding lights to help you navigate through the endless possibilities of where your wedding may take place.

Make it somewhere that you feel connected to. Either from your childhood or other arcs of your life or from your passions e.g. remote countryside, coast, historical interest or a particular style that you adore like Art Deco-anywhere that holds some kind of meaning for one or both of you. Time to work out what excites you-what really does it for you!

If it helps, write down a short list of things that immediately come to mind or some descriptive words that create a rough framework and a criteria that you would like to satisfy.As much as possible your choice and type of venue both for the ceremony and celebrations will correspond with the things that you love and reflect your essence and style. Top 50's are great for inspiration but all the way along, when you make decisions that sit right with you and really belong to you, your experience of planning your wedding will be rewarding and fulfilling.

Friday 20 June 2008

Get Into the Journey

Life is not the same without a daily dose of The Independent. I've become addicted to it-the features are diverse, interesting, well written and somehow always relevant to the ideas that I share as a life and wedding coach.

Last week I seemed to keep reading stories that carried a message about journeys- both travel and life ones. In particular, a feature entitled The Road Less Travelled about hitch-hiking in which the writer, Simon Usbourne travelled from London to the most Northern tip of the UK -John O' Groats by thumbing lifts from complete strangers. It took him two and a half days and twelve lifts(11 blokes and one female) for him to complete the almost 700 mile journey. On the way he talked to each driver and photographed those that were willing. In his words, he was in turn moved, transfixed, and even horrified by the characters that he met all of whom added rich detail to the stunning landscapes that he was travelling through and had the time to appreciate. The story of his journey was captivating -as life is when you take the the time to absorb all that exists and happens. Often, the journey really is more important then the destination.

And in her autobiographical book-Pleasures of a Tangled Life-Jan Morris has this to say 'Travelling can be done well or badly, conscientiously or with a slovenly disregard of detail and nuance. ''Doing it well means putting up with irritants like being overcharged or robbed, because the miseries of travel are "the salt that gives them flavour".

Anyone who has worked with me or even visited my website knows how much emphasis I put on the value of the wedding journey. The months before you marry are full of new people, life events, emotions, decisions, challenge and change. It is a unique time and every single moment is precious. It's necessary to let go of the need to control everything and to release expectations of it being smooth running and plain sailing. Also to embrace all that it is-the so called disasters as well as the triumphs and to accept that everything doesn't go to plan for a reason-Always, ALWAYS for a reason. Adopting that belief brings untold relief!

Journeys are meant to be colourful, unpredictable, enlightening, surprising and crammed with opportunities to learn and grow. It's just that sometimes they are heavily disguised. Welcome it all and know that your own individual wedding journey contains all that you need to arrive at your wedding day wiser, stronger and ready to get married. You only have to make sure that you are open to receiving it!

Monday 16 June 2008

The Power of Love



Tomorrow -June 17th 2008- sees the legalisation of same sex weddings in the state of California and for the last month my Google news feeds have gone crazy on the subject-rightly so. It's great and welcome news-a little more understanding and acceptance in the world can only ever be a good thing-it affects all of us-gay and straight. Of course there will be the opposers, the fearful, who write small minded comments like this:
"No,- homosexual unions are not marriage that is what God ordained for a man and a women. People may think that they can re-write God's laws but society will reap the sad results of these wrong actions" -in response to this Times Online article.

- but it doesn't matter because now consolation type commitment ceremonies are a thing of the past in the sunshine state and same sex couples couples can get married and have a legally recognised wedding just like opposite sex couples can. Yeehah!

And, I just learned that in 1948, California was the first American state to strike down laws banning interracial marriage. It led the others then and it can again. Oh yes, change is afoot in a very big way-it has taken time, patience and belief but in the end, love will conquer all. Really, how can race, gender and sexual orientation come into question? Love is just love -there is no judgement necessary and the more it is allowed to flourish freely the better our world will be.

And when those people love who love each other want to marry, we all benefit for, as Marianne Willimason says in her book, A Return to Love-'So it is that a marriage is meant to be a blessing on the world, because it is a context in which two people might become more than they would have been alone.' It is a strengthening in the fabric of our societies, the world over.United we stand! To me, in terms of marriage, the issue of someone's sexual preference is irrelevant-it is all about the person within the outer shell of a human body-that which is not separated by age, sex, race, colour or religion.

And on that note- I found this feature in my favourite newspaper, The Independent entitled Love Story which kind of says it all really.

60 years ago, the writer James Morris married Elizabeth Tuckniss-they had five children, one of which died and in 1972 James went to Morocco and returned as a woman. At the time, the now, same sex couple were forced to divorce but they continued to live and be together. On May 14th this year, the writer Jan Morris and Elizabeth Tuckniss exchanged vows again in a legally binding civil union and as Elizabeth says, ''We are back together again,officially.'' Despite the law, they were never apart. The love between these two people remained constant-it kept them together. Love -and acceptance-conquers all. Well, the law may well be an ass-but we can take heart in the fact that it, at least, seems to be learning.

Monday 9 June 2008

Oh Happy Day!

Photographs: Ben Gold Photography www.bengold.co.uk
My friend Amanda Jane Tooth is now married to John Carter and Mr and Mrs.Carter are a very handsome and happy couple. No, they really are. These two so wanted to be married to each other that the actual wedding on 31st May 2008 took a very appropriate second place and that's always a good recipe for a successful wedding. When the spirit and joy of the couple are the fuel that burns the wedding fire, you know that you are in for a great and memorable day.

I talk about authenticity-and this epitomised it. Amanda wore a trademark black dress and she looked gorgeous. So easy, relaxed, true to herself. She was radiant and confident and sparkled from within. They married in Marylebone Registry Office in London-which is dignified and grand and my clever and talented husband, Gareth, on request, wrote a poem about John and Amanda for their wedding day. I'm biased, but he's original and gifted and his words entertain, delight and move me. He produced a great piece for their otherwise straightforward wedding ceremony in which the two of them remained grounded, focused and beautifully composed throughout.

Then, the entire wedding party-about 65 of us hotfooted over to Soho in shared black cabs to the fabulous French House, a tiny pub that holds special memories for John and Amanda. The pub has a charming, bijoux dining room upstairs that produced a rustic, paysanne buffet -akin to a stylish French picnic and Kir Royale with Creme de Framboise, Fraise and Peche, flowed freely.
Downstairs, in the bar the buzzy conversation was complemented by the afternoon jazzy/swing sounds of two local Soho characters on piano and crooning vocals who stopped briefly for our mostly improvised and informal speeches.

It was quite simply a joyous afternoon that romped along off it's own steam and carried us all merrily along with it. Memories are made of days like this and authentic weddings cannot, ever, be beaten by big mouthed, big budget extravaganzas. You've gotta have soul. Without that there is nothing-it's empty on the inside.

This was a wedding that perfectly captured the essence of the couple within-it reflected their intentions, their love and who they are as people. It was, in every sense, their day.

You did it, my friend. You married the man that you have loved for two decades. You both did it with style, grace and integrity and you brought together a fantastic group of people to celebrate and experience it with you. For a few hours on 31st May 2008 we were all most definitely 'in it together' and that's something that people never forget.

Privately, at weddings I always think that there is an unspoken litmus test. Is it-after witnessing the ceremony and celebration of the day -believable? Does our heart tell us that the vows and declarations made by these two people are genuine and true?

Well, on this occasion -to coin a cliché phrase used by theatre critics when they spot a roaring success-for my money-'this is one that is going to run and run.'
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