Life Makeover Show 2008

Last weekends Life Makeover show in Hove was enthusiastically attended by all manner of folk looking to improve and change different aspects of their lives. There were life coaches, financial coaches, health and well-being coaches, career coaches,style coaches, house cleaners, personal fitness coaches, reiki, acupuncture, massage, EFT,Ayurvedic Practitioners-generally everything imaginable that can help you to practically take charge of your life and make it more efficient, rewarding and enjoyable.

And then there was me.
Getting Married From the Inside Out Coaching and Mentoring for your Wedding Journey. I wanted to try it to see if visitors to a Life Makeover show were more open and receptive to coaching and mentoring in this area of their lives because those that attend wedding shows-in general-are rather resistant to it.

Oh yes, they are stressed, nervous, anxious, confused, daunted and overwhelmed but because they are, on the whole, strongly influenced by the commercial world of weddings, it's difficult for them to switch focus and appreciate the value of emotional and mental preparation on the road to getting married. Many are completely new to the idea of life coaching and are unaware that getting married and planning your wedding, can be fulfilling, rewarding and enlightening -in fact a complete voyage of personal discovery and development that makes for a smoother transition from single to married.

Here, in this life-focused arena -as opposed to a strictly wedding arena-those who were actually getting married or at least thinking about it-were very receptive, intrigued and pleased to find me there.

I had some great conversations with like minded souls-shared my ideas for a change in how getting married is perceived and approached and generally had a great day. I'll definitely be doing that show again-it was FAB!

I noticed how the entrepreneurial spirit of the day kept things buoyant. The place was full of practitioners who really believed in their chosen path and profession and they were excited to share their knowledge and ideas.

Of course everyone there had a business to run and they charge for their individual services but there was a distinct difference in the atmosphere of a hall filled with people promoting products-like at a wedding show to one full of people promoting services that they are passionate about. At the end of the day-instead of feeling drained-I felt positive and uplifted and really, really encouraged that my individual style and brand of coaching has a definite place. Of course, I know that otherwise I wouldn't be doing it but we all need proof, encouragement and feedback to keep us going and sustain the original vigour especially if it is a solo venture of a unique kind.

I'm happy. Small steps in the right direction and as the saying goes, 'from little acorns......

Respect Your Rite of Passage

I read this funny and warm article about a Bat Mitvah which kind of made the unorthodox Jewish me wish I'd done something like this just for the whole transition into adulthood experience. I was surprised to read how inflated this particular rite of passage has become in terms of budget, pressure and expectation. It seems the commercial world of Bar/Bat Mizvahs is as ludicrous as that of weddings and a significant rite of passage in the life of a Jewish teenager has also mutated into an extravaganza of vulgar proportions.

The link here is the parallel between the two and the fact that I am utterly fascinated with all Rites of Passage and their place in our lives. Getting Married is a major Rite of Passage. Yes even now, when girls and boys leave home at 17 and have several sexual partners before finally shacking up with someone that they are really serious about. Even now, when years of living together, buying a house together and having children often precede the decision to make a public declaration of love and commitment to one another and legally change the status of two single people into that of a married couple. It is still a Rite of Passage-that's my belief anyway.

Just because the order of doing things has changed and we are all generally older and more experienced with relationships and life-it doesn't alter the fact that getting married is a passage into a new phase. It's a transition, a shift, a movement, maybe for some quite a subtle one on the surface but it affects us at very deep level because public vows and commitment, ritual and ceremony are moving and significant things in our lives. A Big Deal-no matter what anyone says.

All the rites of passage within our lives are significant and understanding them more would help us immeasurably.They give meaning and form to the story of our lives and provide milestones to look back on. Yet, we as a culture hardly recognise them and the majority of brides that I meet are unaware of what this or any rite of passage for that matter, actually means.

And, for this reason, it's a core part of my Getting Married from the Inside out Coaching Programme and everyone, without exception has benefited from exploring what it means to them and how it's actually affecting them and impacting upon their personal wedding journey. If nothing else I do want to alert people to what they have decided to do and help them to make sense of it so they can understand, experience and enjoy it to the max.

Like most people, my transition into adulthood just happened and I really wish there had been a memorable event to look back on , something that I could hold onto and recall- how I felt and what I thought-just something that marked my achievement and growth from child to woman. Those moments are precious and those that get to have ceremonies are privileged though they may not realise it at the time-(see girl above!)

Getting married is the same. It's a great big privilege-the process of preparation, the ceremony and celebration that follow are not to be taken lightly-not trivialised by nonsensical commercial claptrap. The success of the whole journey to your wedding day and into marriage lays not in big budget co-ordinated perfection but in taking your rite of passage seriously-experiencing it with awareness and whole hearted intention-then you can be sure that this day that everyone talks about will make it's impact, for all the right reasons.

Truly Great Shots

I'm often contacted by all kinds of weird and wonderful people offering their wedding services because they think that I'm a wedding planner. I'm not. I'm a coach and mentor and though I do support people creatively to put together a wedding that is authentic -my main aim is to help those on their wedding journey have the best, most rewarding, fulfilling experience possible.

So, today a photographer called me-and I'm so glad that she did. I loved how she sounded- full of energy and life-really warm and vibrant and I kind of knew that her work would be worth looking at. I was right. Her photography is just gorgeous. Rich, atmospheric shots-very creative, original work full to the brim with emotion and life. A world away from the repetitive wedding photos that are churned out time and time again. Seriously, if you want to spend a bit of money on striking, stylish but very real wedding photographs take a visit to Sandra Von Riekhoff's website


I'm not one to urge people to spend lots of money on everything-I'm very inspired by the whole shoestring approach BUT if photographs are high on your list of priorities, I don't think that this talented and passionate photographer will let you down-she'll be a fun, positive person to have around you too.

Frock Shock

Goodness Me! Seriously, would you?

Elizabeth Emanuel designed this as part of her BHS Range and they sell for £495. At one time, post Diana wedding frock she could command up to £25,000 per dress. Who, I wonder actually paid that much and do they feel as if they were had?

Elizabeth Emanuel says "It is as if my couture dress is the perfume and the Bhs dress is the eau de toilette."

Well, the toilet water of wedding dresses-if that doesn't sell it, I don't know what will!

I just think that it's so unoriginal, unimaginative and well, patronising. I can't believe that any modern day bride, even if they want something retro or classic would go for this.

Does anyone like it? I'd love to know.

You Gotta Roll with It

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis are getting married-after 10 years together and two children.
Liam Gallagher and Nicole Appleton married on Valentines Day after eight years together and in January Julie Christie married her long term partner of 28 years. Previously she had said that marriage didn't fit in with her beliefs and more hippyish ideals.
So, all kinds of couples-some would say-less conventional, freer thinking, independent souls are deciding to go through the tradition and ritual of a wedding ceremony to become legally united as a married couple.

For them, no fanfare, no monstrous OK/Hello deals, no security helicopters heralding the arrival of a frenetic media circus. Just a joyful wedding of two people who love each other surrounded by the love and support of people that they really want to be there.They have no need to tell the world, they feel no urge to prove their status -they are strong and secure within themselves as people and as a couple and their decision to marry has depth and mutual desire behind it rather then a desperate need to fortify their fame and celebrity standing.

Marriage isn't outdated. Neither is it pointless, unimportant, unfashionable or at the 'beginning of the end' as Hannah Betts recently suggested in the Observer. It's not any one thing-it's lots of different things-a moveable feast that's unique to each couple. How can it be labelled?- that's just too narrow and short-sighted-biased , cynical and closed to infinite possibility.

I love to hear that media perceived 'hell-raisers' are choosing to get married. It encourages my belief that, deep down, marriage is much more about core values and the human need to evolve than an institution of society, a religious act or a result of government puppeteering. If artists, writers, actors and rock stars-those often considered maverick laws unto themselves are choosing lifelong partners in this way-does it not make these staunchly single(mostly) female journalists feel that they could be misjudging something worth having?

OK-It's not for everyone, I agree but there are some people who really get it and want to be open and creative with it-(I'm not talking swinging here) I actually think that those who write about it's lost place in modern society are prone to convention themselves and far from marriage being a thing of the past it is their attitude and view of it that needs bringing up to date.

Very Revealing!

For the majority of brides, the dress is a big deal. For most it's top of the priorities list and they cannot rest until they have the one that fulfils their dreams.Then follows months of dieting and exercise regimes so they can actually fit into it because they ordered it two sizes smaller than their normal size. Stress, body issues, unhealthy obsession on how they are going to look on the day while completely forgetting how they are going to be-WHO they are going to be. The dress is given more attention and reverie than the act of marriage.

What's a good solution? -Lose the dress!

I can't help but feel that the couples who choose to have nudist weddings are leaps and bounds ahead of the rest. Their focus is absolutely on their decision to marry and to stand there, together as transparent as the day they were born seems to be so fitting.

"Couples who get married in the nude are closer to God, the universe, divine energy, said Rev. Jo Ann Pessagno "Their emphasis is on the ceremony and the words as opposed to the flowers, the place cards, what kind of wine they're serving, what kind entrees, desserts.Nude weddings also remind couples that their lifestyle is about love and acceptance above all else.''

And, as one groom said "nudism is a great equalizer. You are the same as everyone. You're not wearing anything that would separate you from anyone else."

I am intrigued.-I'm not saying that I could do it but actually-I'd like to go to a nudist wedding because I bet the atmosphere would be something else. It's extreme, yes-but in a very positive, peace inspiring way. Anything that strips things back to basics has purity at it's heart and a need and desire to reveal the truth of what lies beneath.

You can't suddenly become a nudist-(or may be you can?) but you can follow that train of thought. Instead of shrouding yourself in in a mask of make-up, uncharacteristic wedding hair and a dress that makes it's entrance before you do, let yourself be seen in as pure a light as possible. Keep your decoration simple and authentic and though you may not literally stand there naked before your partner and all your guests, you will be close as possible with your clothes on.