Respect Your Rite of Passage

I read this funny and warm article about a Bat Mitvah which kind of made the unorthodox Jewish me wish I'd done something like this just for the whole transition into adulthood experience. I was surprised to read how inflated this particular rite of passage has become in terms of budget, pressure and expectation. It seems the commercial world of Bar/Bat Mizvahs is as ludicrous as that of weddings and a significant rite of passage in the life of a Jewish teenager has also mutated into an extravaganza of vulgar proportions.

The link here is the parallel between the two and the fact that I am utterly fascinated with all Rites of Passage and their place in our lives. Getting Married is a major Rite of Passage. Yes even now, when girls and boys leave home at 17 and have several sexual partners before finally shacking up with someone that they are really serious about. Even now, when years of living together, buying a house together and having children often precede the decision to make a public declaration of love and commitment to one another and legally change the status of two single people into that of a married couple. It is still a Rite of Passage-that's my belief anyway.

Just because the order of doing things has changed and we are all generally older and more experienced with relationships and life-it doesn't alter the fact that getting married is a passage into a new phase. It's a transition, a shift, a movement, maybe for some quite a subtle one on the surface but it affects us at very deep level because public vows and commitment, ritual and ceremony are moving and significant things in our lives. A Big Deal-no matter what anyone says.

All the rites of passage within our lives are significant and understanding them more would help us immeasurably.They give meaning and form to the story of our lives and provide milestones to look back on. Yet, we as a culture hardly recognise them and the majority of brides that I meet are unaware of what this or any rite of passage for that matter, actually means.

And, for this reason, it's a core part of my Getting Married from the Inside out Coaching Programme and everyone, without exception has benefited from exploring what it means to them and how it's actually affecting them and impacting upon their personal wedding journey. If nothing else I do want to alert people to what they have decided to do and help them to make sense of it so they can understand, experience and enjoy it to the max.

Like most people, my transition into adulthood just happened and I really wish there had been a memorable event to look back on , something that I could hold onto and recall- how I felt and what I thought-just something that marked my achievement and growth from child to woman. Those moments are precious and those that get to have ceremonies are privileged though they may not realise it at the time-(see girl above!)

Getting married is the same. It's a great big privilege-the process of preparation, the ceremony and celebration that follow are not to be taken lightly-not trivialised by nonsensical commercial claptrap. The success of the whole journey to your wedding day and into marriage lays not in big budget co-ordinated perfection but in taking your rite of passage seriously-experiencing it with awareness and whole hearted intention-then you can be sure that this day that everyone talks about will make it's impact, for all the right reasons.