Oh What a Night!

Last weekend I was involved in the most fantastic-for want of a much better word, 'hen' night.

My great friend, Amanda is getting married on 31st May and I am to be her best woman. Nine of us met in the private room of a french restaurant off Oxford Street in London and with not a set of bunny ears in sight, we shared six joyful hours together.

The room was booked from 7 till 10 but at 1am they were politely thrusting the bill under our noses. Yes, we drank. Some champagne, then simple white wine but it wasn't that. This was a magnetic group of women: a childhood school friend, two younger sisters, three work colleagues who were actually far more significant in her life than just that, another glorious friend who had featured in her life at various points- and me.
I had asked each to bring along some music that was representative of a time they shared with Amanda or that reflected her essence and so, we created a kind of soundtrack for the evening.

We had everything from Liza Minelli in Cabaret to Paul Weller & The Jam, The Turtles to the Scissor Sisters, David Essex, David Cassidy and Katherine Williams ,French Cafe Music and Seventies Soul. Each offering was connected to a story and evocative memories of special times. There were gifts too in the form of personal words, poems , cards and a treasured hat from the seventies covered with 70's badges that Amanda thought had gone long ago. It's appearance at the hands of little sister Emma who had held on to it in secret for about 25 years, brought squeals of delight and disbelief and as each sister told their big sister what she meant to them, an emotional wave hit us all.

As the night grew dark, we lit the candles, talked at depth, laughed hysterically, danced, sang and opened little presents from a goody bag supplied by Sian who generously put some of her perks for working at Marie Claire to great use.

We felt close. There was warmth, openess and camaraderie. We all shared something that night including our love for our friend Amanda which was what had brought us together in the first place .

A few days earlier someone had asked me what I thought a hen night was all about and I said I think it's different things to different people. For me, it was a very necessary and powerful part of my rite of passage-part of the process of change and transition from single to married. A hen night is steeped in tradition and it has a reassuring and comforting ritual about it. Each individual will have a different idea of how they want theirs to be and what elements they need to feel it was successful.

Naturally, the idea of 'the last night of freedom' has been devoured by the commercial world of wedding planning and hen night paraphernalia is big business. Indeed, there is a whole industry dedicated to arranging Stag and Hen packages. The outfits, L plates and and drunken skulduggery that epitomise the majority of hen nights seem to slightly miss the point. Instead of being alive, conscious and aware-there seems to be a group intent to to slide into the unconscious, downing enough tequila and flaming sambuca to drown a hippo. For some, the last night of freedom seems to be more akin to the last night alive on earth.

I may be wrong but I do feel this is so much the British way and find it hard to imagine that a group of Spanish girls on a despedida de soltera or french women sharing a soiree entre filles will 'celebrate' in quite the same kamikaze fashion as us emotionally repressed brits on a hen. (I welcome comments here.)

So, while we have to contend with the tacky image that is associated with hen nights-I think that they are an integral step in this rite of passage. They are valuable and necessary and would encourage anyone considering not having one to think again. It's very much about honouring and recognising how your life is developing and taking stock of where you have been and where you are going. It's a fine opportunity to celebrate, to love and live vibrantly, joyously and wildly in the moment with the significant women in your life.

Do it , by all means -do it to the max -but, as with all aspects of Getting Married from the Inside Out-make it authentic and do it in a way that is aligned with all that you are and it will make it's impact and stay with you...forever.