Stress is a choice

My website stats tell me that many, many brides to be are anxious, stressed and nervous. This word stress is overused and really has so many meanings on so many levels. I think its used too lightly where words like irritated, impatient, confused, short fused, overwhelmed, I could go on, would be more appropriate. Why is is important? Well, it is because getting married is automatically linked with stress these days. We are told that certain aspects of wedding planning are stressful, and therefore people expect to be stressed, invite the stress and I believe, sorry, indulge in this stress thing. It does irk me because so much of the positive and joy in getting married and planning a wedding is overlooked,pushed aside or just ignored in favour of joining the stress party.

I want to say, loud and clear that getting married and planning a wedding doesn't have to be stressful. With the right approach, attitude and perception of what it's all about, the experience can be fulfilling, rewarding and life changing. It will be a challenging and demanding journey but anything worth doing in life is just that. When you dig below the surface, the reasons for the so called stress are usually emotional, rarely practical and with a desire to understand it and get to grips with it the situation can be turned around.

Love this quote' It's not the situation that's causing you stress, it's your thoughts, and you can change that right here and now. You can choose to be peaceful right here and now. Peace is a choice and it has nothing to do with what other people do or think. ' Gerald Jampolsky

And the bride wore...Disney

Princess inspired wedding dress anyone? If it's a resounding yes-you are in luck because that is the next thing winging its way across the pond from the Magic Kingdom. Disney have introduced a range of wedding dresses to capture the fairytale image that so many brides associate with getting married.

It launched in The States this summer and its set to reach the UK soon. Clever marketing by a world reknowned brand is sure to be a hit in certain quarters. Personally, need I even say it? This is the commercial world of wedding planning at it's dastardly best and it makes me want to run in the opposite direction. It's true that I never had the fairytale fantasy so I don't know what it feels like but this does seem like the epitome of buying into a dream and that is a real dampener of original thought.BEWARE!

That DRESS!

Here's the perfect example of not getting married from the inside out. This story is a few months old bit I didn't have this blog then and now I do. A very young bride had a 28 stone wedding dress that took 2hrs to get on;it needed about a million people to carry the train and which was 60 ft long and with all that she forgot why she was there in the first place.

I blame the parents. I'm sorry but the greatest memory from that day is more likely to be the back complaints that she will suffer for the rest of her life for spending the whole day in a dress that weighed the same as two blokes.

Yes, I am a life coach and yes, I am non judgemental but not in this case!

Coaching and Getting Married-perfect bedfellows

I will frequently write about this, talk about this and shout it from the rooftops until everyone is bored but also convinced that the process of coaching and the process of getting married are well suited.

Coaching is about enlightenment, self awareness, realising potential , moving forward to somewhere that you desire to be, being the person that you long to be. Getting Married holds those opportunities. To get the most out of getting married, to really understand and embrace this Rite of Passage and come to terms with the transition, the change of status and identity and to get full enjoyment from it-some help is required and I believe, strongly that a tailored coaching programme, even odd coaching sessions are the ideal answer.

And, of course-the wedding.Putting yourself into the creation of your wedding and realising that it can be fulfilling, rewarding, memorable, enjoyable-a brilliant experience- really requires a different approach to the one most commonly used-the endless list checking formula that send people half crazy as they follow the instructions and forget to come up for air.

That's why I'm holding a Creating Your Authentic Wedding Workshop-to show people how they can have a great, free, creative, happy experience.

Wedding Drama

Not a day goes by when I don't read a story, see a forum comment or hear a live conversation about the drama that is involved in getting married. Rarely, do I hear someone say something positive about their wedding planning experience or about how they are feeling themselves learn and grow as they move towards marriage. Generally its complaints about the stress involved in planning a wedding and the hard time they are getting from family, bridesmaids, in laws.

Getting married is a process of change and it affects everyone close to the people involved. Their lives are affected and dynamics are shifting. People become unsettled and uncomfortable with change and especially in the UK, don't or can't express it. Instead, they behave badly and cause argument and hurt.

Getting Married is about so much more than a perfect, happy wedding day. It is about separation, loss, letting go, saying good bye, ends and new beginnings. It isn't easy-it requires, contemplation, communication and understanding on everyone's part for it happen smoothly.

Coaching can help with this massively. Coaching is always helpful at times of transition so that the individual can come to terms with what is happening, prepare for the change and embrace all that it entails.Then they will be able to help the people around them cope and understand it too. My article Dealing with the Drama of Getting Married explains this in a little more depth to help people at least get to grips with why so much conflict and confusion happens at this time.

Communication is the name of the game AND being a kind and generous bride.

Be Free!

How many brides do I meet that have allowed themselves to be bound by the rules? Truthfully, the majority intend to do things by the book and use phrases like 'I'm supposed to do this' and 'I'm meant to do that.' My answer is, 'who says?' I know there is etiquette,tradition, ritual, all those things but really the right way to do things is only the way that is right for you.

I really want to encourage and help people to think for themselves when they are getting married-and have a wedding journey that enriches and colours their lives for the better. It should not be bound by rules; it can be a voyage of self discovery and a time of growth as you plan a day that is relevant to you and your life, your values and beliefs, your intentions and your own style.

Forget all those endless checklists of all that you must have and all that you must do and keep that perfect wedding planning formula at arms distance. Go for something that is essentially you, personal, intimate, joyful. Free yourself from the shackles of commercial wedding planning and venture out on your own road on your terms and see how free you feel. Liberty!

Let your hair down

This is something that increasingly concerns me. I do know why. I keep seeing photographs of youthful brides with very old looking hairstyles piled up on top of their heads. Its seems to have become de rigeur for brides to have a style that they would never dream of wearing any other day in their life -one of curls, ringlets, lots of pins holding pieces, buns, french plaits and chignon type things. Sometimes, they look a bit ridiculous and I often wonder what the groom is thinking when he sees his bride walking towards him with a hairdo that he's never seen before. I'm sure it must throw some of them a bit, especially if they don't like it much.

It has become part of the wedding day 'formula' and brides to be go along for their hair tests and allow these creations to be applied to them without even considering whether it is right for them, suits them, or they really, really want it.

Its great fun for the hairdresser to get the creative juices flowing but does little to allow the bride to express her personal style and personality.

As a coach -it's not for me to say what is right or wrong for a person but I would always encourage and support someone to be who they are in every way especially on their wedding day.

Back to being authentic again-it's what will bring the most pleasure and allow people to connect with themselves and to their wedding day so they don't look back on it and feel like it was happening to someone that they don't recognise.

Beautiful Wedding

Today I was reminded about a wedding that I went to during the summer. I received a link to the photos which captured the spirit of the day exactly as I experienced it. It was the simplest, most unfussy wedding that was so full of joy and genuine intent. It was about family, friends, love and two people who just wanted to be married to each other more than they wanted a wedding.

Happily the bride decided against wedding hair and let it fall naturally down her back and that seemed to epitomise the whole mood-nothing overdone, nothing restrained , everything happening with ease. I have never been to a wedding with such warm and generous guests -the groom said that he felt surrounded by love -thats how he described his wedding day. I think that the guests were a true reflection of the two halves of this newly wed couple and covered all areas of each of their lives.

The simple, pure ceremony took place in a circle with the couple in the middle and the bride said that she loved every single special second of it-she was clearly relaxed, in the moment and able to take everything in.

We later returned to this same room to enjoy a fantastic Eastern inspired feast-with Bills Puddings for dessert! Then a Bhangra Band appeared and brought everyone together with their fantastic dancing and music.

Getting Married from the Inside Out is about preparing emotionally and mentally for the transition from being single to married AND about creating a wedding that is AUTHENTIC to who you are. This was absolutely an authentic wedding that expressed, reflected, represented, and captured the essence and intentions of the two people it involved. This wasn't about impressing guests, living out a fairytale, being the centre of attention or proving their status-this was about declaring their love,a desire to be united as a couple and celebration of life and its great events. Personally, I will remember this day always-I feel privileged to have been invited to witness it-the impact of this great day on the couple can only be positive and it will sit quietly between them as a familiar and reassuring bond for years and years to come. I'll put money on it!